President Minhaj-ul-Quran Women League International, Dr. Ghazala Qadri delivered her second lecture of the 8 weeks al-Nasiha series on the topic of 'Marital Harmony' in which she focused on the subject of 'How to promote love and affection between the spouses'.
Dr. Ghazala discussed 7 significant points that lay the foundation of a loving and caring bond amongst spouses.
1. The first important element, is that spouses need to pay attention to each other and take care of each other’s feelings. Love is the basic need of every human being, hence it is of vital importance to study each other’s personalities. This therefore requires attention and an analysis of each other’s nature and needs. It is an active mental process which we must engage in and will help ensure that couples will stop ignoring each other, leading to awareness about each other’s disposition. She also mentioned a hadith of the Holy Prophet (PBUH), that despite his busy schedule he would notice when Sayyida Aisha (R.A.) would be happy with him or upset with Him (PBUH), illustrating the Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) close study and awareness of Sayyida Ayesha’s (R.A.) needs. Dr. Ghazala also added that our social media devices have become barriers to creating personal and physical connections with each other and so we must decrease our reliance upon them
2. The second important element is that we should always make the time to appreciate our spouses, either through our words or actions. Due to living in close proximity together for so many years, we take each other for granted and begin to neglect the help we provide for each other. So just a simple ‘thank you’ can alleviate so many issues. Dr. Ghazala then gave practical examples of how spouses can thank each other regarding the basic needs that are fulfilled and performed on a daily basis.
3. The third important element is that spouses should demonstrate and express their love and affection for each other through words and actions. Dr Ghazala provided several hadith from the life of Sayyina Aisha (R.A.) as to how the Holy Prophet (PBUH) would express his love and affection towards her, ensuring that she was always aware of how deeply he loved her.
4. The fourth important element is that spouses should always be there to provide comfort and consolation to each other. They should be a source of solace to each in times of need and difficulty rather than blame each other for mistakes and mishaps. Again Dr. Ghazala provided beautiful examples of how the Holy Prophet (PBUH) would provide comfort and consolation to His wives.
5. The fifth important element is that spouses should provide exclusive time for each other, either inside or outside the home. This will increase the love and affection between them, giving each other quality time. Spouses should take an interest in each other’s lives, creating conversations about each other’s affairs and interests so that they always communicate together. Again Dr. Ghazala Qadri provided examples from the Sunnah how the Holy Prophet (PBUH) would spend time with His wives, ensuring a playful and relaxed relationship with them.
6. The sixth important element is that as a prerequisite for creating a bond of love and affection between the spouses, it is crucial to use softness in language and never use harsh words for each other. Even in times of stress both spouses should never use crude or mean language and always try and use affectionate words. Dr. Ghazala stated that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) would call Sayyida Aisha (R.A.) Humaira as an expression of His love, so we too should call each other with beautiful names.
7. The seventh important element is always to dress nicely for each other. This is something we often do at the beginning of our marriages but then lapse into old habits. Thus it is important that both husbands and wives should beautify themselves for each other in order to be attractive to each other, which will then foster love and affection. Dr. Ghazala states that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) always applied itr (perfume) and also that that purity is half of the faith. She thus concluded that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) to dress nicely and observe purity.
Finally Dr. Ghazala said that a husband and a wife should always be unified and never see each others as competitors. Spouses are lifelong partners and should always work as a team, continually thinking of the welfare of each other. Dr. Ghazala mentioned that the Beloved Prophet (PBUH) would take part in household chores, which showed His concern for all of the Mothers of the Believers. Thus, we should always be ready to help and assist each other and consider ourselves as a unified team, Insh’Allah